Blogpost 8: Being True Is Better Than Being A Liar Just To Impress Everyone

You'll know when a guy is trying to impress you. Easy! First is his wallet weight. If you're on date or maybe on a "hohol" with him, he'll offer to pay for everything. Even if he has low budget, he'll act like money isn't a problem for him. Second, when he acts like he's intelligent. He acts like he knows everything including current affairs, etc. Third, when he brags about his talents. It's embarrassing in his part if he tells you that he has no hobbies or talents. So what he'll do is he'll act like he knows how to play the guitar or maybe he'll brag about him being a part of the varsity team. Who would want to enter a relationship based on lies, right? You shouldn't really lie just to impress someone. Being yourself already impresses them. 

I read an article about guys who lie just to impress their dates. "Lying to impress your date: Everybody's doing it" by John Campanelli, The Plain Dealer. According to a 2007 survey by Harlequin, men and women said that it's OKAY to lie sometimes in dating. I don't get it quite though but I've read that they have motives or reasons why they do. One thing is because they want to look good. As we all know, dating is a competition. He said that to get an advantage of their rivals, they boost themselves in the eyes of women. Just like a peacock showing off its colorful feathers, they show off the characteristics they think their dates will admire. Another is because they are good and scared. What does he mean by that? You only lie because you're scared. Scared that maybe if someone gets to know the real you, she won't find you worthy. So all you do is just to pretend to be someone you're not. 

"I think the lies are based in fear," says Harlequin. "We think that if someone knows the real us they won't find us worthy, so we sort of feel like we have to frost ourselves a little bit to make ourselves more appealing."

I do not agree with what what she said. If you're going to ask me, I think it's much better if you get to know the person well. And It's also much better to be your natural self when you're trying to win a girl's heart. You shouldn't lie about yourself because once she finds out, you will have lesser chances with her. 

And once you get in a relationship with that guy who tried to "impress" you, here are 7 lies men tell women. "7 Lies Men Tell Women" by Dr. Joyce Brothers. As stated in a study by a psychologist named Bella DePaulo, there are differences in how men and women lie. The difference is that when a woman lie, she only does just to make other feel better. And when men lie, they build themselves up to conceal something. Now going to the 7 lies men tell women, first is, men have a hard time admitting failure. They don't want other people to step on their pride/ego. Second is they tell us that they like our friends even when they don't. Third is when men tell their partner that she's the best even when she's not. Fourth is (this lie hurts so much just because you're falling out of love with your partner), when he tells you that he can't call you. Fifth, "That dress isn't too tight, that's great!" Men only say the things that their partner wants to hear. Sixth, Many men still feel paternalistic about the women they love, so they lie to spare them worry. But these lies can destroy the very sense of confidence that the man hoped to create. And they can make a woman feel she is not a respected partner in the relationship. Seventh, when a man wants to avoid a scene with his partner, he says lies like "I'll take the kids to the park — when the weather gets nicer," he says as he goes out the door with golf clubs.

"And most people agree that some lying is even necessary — to avoid petty squabbles and to grease the wheels of a relationship," says Dr. Joyce.

Hmmm.. Yeah, maybe sometimes you have to lie too. But I guess you have to tell the truth most of the time. Just like what I've read in the article earlier, constant lying can unglue a relationship.

Blogpost 7: The Cruelest Lies Are Often Told In Silence

Lying is done with words.. BUT ALSO WITH SILENCE. All of you might think that lies happen only when a person speaks. Not! Hidden truths are unspoken lies, you know. These lies are called lies of omission. I was researching articles about deception and then I found this article that I found very interesting. At first, I didn't know that when an important fact is left out, it means you're already lying. Seriously. When people ask me about something and I don't want to tell the truth, I sometimes change the topic or I simply don't answer. That means I'm already lying. WHAT. What are lies of omission? (Because all of you might be asking me..) It means to leave out portions of the truth in order to deliberately mislead someone into drawing a false conclusion. Now, how about lies of omission in relationships? How do those lies ruin a relationship?

In this article by Tara Finch, "In Dating, Lies Of Omission Can Almost Ruin Everything", she will be telling us how lies of omission ruin a relationship. Lies of omission is somewhat damaging just like telling a lie. It has a negative effect when someone makes a decision to tell you the truth or not. If you date a guy you just met online, chances are, your relationship wouldn't last long. It will most likely be just a short-term relationship. Guys behind computers are great omitters. Because when you meet a guy online, he will sing songs to you over the phone and tell you things that would knock you off your feet. You know that there are red flags, but you just ignore them because you're that crazy over this guy. According to the author online dating is a very demoralizing exercise in frustration because you don't even know the whole background of this person. You don't know a lot about him yet. Well, to cut the story short, people won't tell everything to you. It's like you have to find out for yourself. 

"I feel lucky that this situation didn't end up any worse. The thing is, while it is extremely easy to be deceitful on the Internet, this situation could have just as easily happened if I had met this guy at my corner grocery store or a local bar. The Internet does not corner the market on crazy," says Tara.

Personally, I hate online dating. Main reason is because there really big chances that the person you are dating is just going to pretend and just lie to you all the time. Who's going to be the victim here? It's going to be us. And another thing, it's really better to get to know this person by dating him personally, not through the internet.

This is another article similar to the article I've read earlier, titled, "The Destructive Power of Lies" by Gail Watts. People believe that lies of omission aren't really lies. Because a lie of omission is defined as "A method of deception and duplicity that uses the technique of simply remaining silent when speaking the truth which would significantly alter the other person’s capacity to make an informed decision." Lying to someone very close to your heart is just so unfair. Protecting someone's feelings doesn't mean that your lying. But in a relationship, it's always better to tell your partner the truth and nothing but the truth. It's always better to be honest than to be untrustworthy. When your partner loses trust in you, it's not just temporary. It takes forever to bring back that trust. Or maybe not at all..

"Lies not only destroy love between of a couple, but also the person who was deceived," says Gail.

It does. It also destroys the person you lied to because it will make her not want to trust someone ever again. Like what people say, "Never trust someone who lies to you and never lie to someone who trusts you." In these two articles that I've read, I learned that lying is not only done with words but also with silence. Will people just stop hiding the truth? 

Blogpost 6: Hurt Me With The Truth

Knowing you're being lied to is worse than being hurt by the truth. Some truths make you go mad but being lied to destroys your trust. Just like in James Morrison's song, Broken Strings, "The truth hurts. And lies worse."  When people lie to me, it makes me feel like I'm unworthy of the truth. I had a lot of experiences already. A lot of people broke my trust already and honestly, it's very hard to bring back that trust. That's why I have trust issues. So, how do you deal with being lied to? 

This is an article about how deception crushes our trust, titled, "Why Lying Hurts So Much" by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. She said that everyone is a victim of lie. Our faith is broken into pieces and the next thing we know is it's already hard for us to trust. Everything gets worse when we should've just told the truth. By telling lie after lie, we create distances from our real selves because we build false version of reality. If we repeat the same lie over and over again, we may even come to believe that it's already true. Question here is, how do you keep your faith when someone (whether he/she may be a lover, a close friend, an acquaintance) has lied to you? There are many ways on how you can maintain your faith. 3 of the ways are: Look for people who make you feel good. Seek people who you you don't only admire but who you also like. Give your trust to those people who will defend you. 

"By telling lie after lie, we eventually can suffer from building a false version of reality that increasingly distances us from our real selves. After repeatedly lying about the same thing, we may even come to believe it is true," says Bella DePaulo.

A lie can't be covered by another lie. No, it just can't. As it gets piled up, things just become more and more complicated. End the freaking lie, just tell me the truth. Always remember that when you tell a lie once, all the truths you'll be saying next will become questionable.

Now here's another article about why it is important to tell the truth. The author if this next article is Troy Rampy. The title is "How Important Is It To Tell The Truth."  We just can't change other people and make them tell the truth. In growing up, our parents always tell us to always tell the truth. But as we grow older, we get influenced to lie by our peers, media and other more things. We think that lying makes everything so easy. Maybe yes, maybe no. It's true that things get a little easier, but remember that there is always a price we pay. Once we start lying, it makes us unworthy of other people's trust. With mistrust comes a certain tension. STRESS. Yup, stress. You may ask what telling the truth has something to do with decreasing stress. Telling the truth promotes our well-being. Once we begin telling the truth, it will make us feel good. That's basically it.

"And with mistrust comes a certain tension. You know, stress. And it begins to calcify: in our thoughts; in our emotions; in our behaviors; in our beliefs; in our body," says Troy.

Right. So why stress over the lie you just said when you can just tell the truth? Remember, when in doubt, tell the truth. 

Blogpost 5: Be Honest With Me

Is it really hard to be honest? The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie. Honestly, I like friends who don't sugarcoat anything. I want them telling me the truth about everything even if it would kill me inside. I lie... But I only do small little lies. I get very guilty. Always remember that one lie is all it takes to lose their trust in you. Always be real and tell the truth no matter what. 

How does telling the truth save your life? I read this article, titled "Why telling the truth could save your life: Most of us would rather lie to avoid awkwardness (even in high-risk situations)" by Daily Mail Reporter. It made me realize that being too polite can cause great damage too. It could result to a lot of things like a pilot crashing because a colleague did not point out a mistake and the like. Politeness has serious consequences within the corporate culture too. Like when people don't want to embarrass their bosses or their co-workers, so they don't point out when something seems inappropriate. 

"This harder thinking leaves us in a greater state of uncertainty about what is really meant, becoming dangerous in high-stakes situations," says one of the authors, Jean-Francois Bonnefon of the University of Toulouse. 

Typically, deceptive behavior is driven by fear. And fear is one of our most basic emotions, right? Fear works to protect us from harm. It influences our responses, especially to our deceptive behavoir. In fact, we become too kind/polite to protect another's feelings. In short, fear is always in the background.

Here is another article about why you should stop lying and start telling the truth by Laura Rowley, titled, "Lying: Why You Don't Tell The Truth And Why You Should Start." She said that, in order to be successful in anything, one must have a reputation of honesty. It also gives you a peace of mind. It's impossible to be happy and worried at the same time. Another reason why you should start telling the truth is because it will give you a good sleep. Who doesn't want to have good sleep?! (Unless you have no conscience at all..) If you lie, you'll often lose sleep because of the fear that maybe someone will find out sooner or later. The greatest thing that was ever stated in this article is that lying doesn't work. All too often, our deceptions are discovered.

“We have a notion we know what’s right and wrong but the truth is that it’s friends and people around us who tell us what’s right and wrong by example, and we are incredibly susceptible to those things,” says Ariely. 

Actually, we know what's right and what's wrong. Keep your conscience clean. Always do what's right.

Blogpost 4: Truths and Lies About What We Buy

Expectation vs. Reality. Not everything we see on television is true. Those ads about teeth whitening? Those big-ass burgers? Those delicious food we see? Nope, not all of them are really what it looks like in reality. We get so gullible that we want to try them out. We get disappointed once we see, try, touch and feel them because we expected so much more than that. Amidst the alluring slogans and images, it's hard to tell whether the product is worth the try or not.

In Sienna Kossman's article, "The Truth About False and Deceptive Advertising," we will find out how false advertising attracts us to buy their products. There are tricks on how they make their products attracting and appealing to buyers. Few of the tricks are by using hairsprays to make fruits and veggies look fresh, putting antacids in sodas to create fizzle, replacing the actual ice cream with mashed potato and many more. They use this thing called "photoshop" that makes everything look better. Just like in hotels and resorts, they may show you an infinity pool. But in reality, it's just as big as an oversized jacuzzi. If you think these deceptive advertisements are harmless, well, think again. They actually have serious consequences. 

"There are ads that are getting the most attention and are most successful are the ones that call consumers to quick action," says Brent Brien, the American Consumer Protection Group's senior vice president of enforcement. 

I agree. We all know the saying that looks can be deceiving, right? It applies to those false advertisements. We get so allured and gullible that we keep on buying those kinds of products just because they look awesome. The only reason why we get so gullible is because of our subconscious mind. Our senses are dialed down that it is affected by the messages because we let everything come on board. 

Similarly, I read an article titled, "Lies, Lies and Advertising" by Paul Suggett. He said that deceptive/false advertising exaggerates the benefit.  The reason why advertisers lie is simply because if they don't, it will be the death of their business. But the truth will set you free. They outright lie and aim to mislead in the tricky different ways possible. But do advertisers break any law? Nope, they're just messing with language. But if they keep lying about their products, it could lead to a very bad karma. Anything false will be discovered sooner or later. And it will lead to dismayed customers. 

"Now, there is no smoke without fire, and there are clearly many rotten apples that have ruined both professions, in the eyes of the general public anyway. Lawyers are slimy liars who will do anything to win a case. Advertisers are slick liars who will say anything to get a sale." says Paul. 

Yes, advertising does bend the truth. It gets so exaggerated that no one believes it anymore. The truth will set you free..

Blogpost 3: Liar Liar! Pants On Fire

Uh-oh! If I think someone is lying to me, I try to observe him/her by how he/she speaks. I ask him/her questions I already know. I know he/she is lying when he/she talks too fast and stutter, turns red and doesn't look straight into my eyes. But I swear, sometimes it's hard to tell whether he/she is lying or not. It still depends on the person you're talking to though. Because some are already a pros in lying. 

So how can you tell if someone is lying to you? Here are legit ways to know if a person is lying. I read this article titled, "How To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You" by Amanda L. Chan. At first I thought that when a person lies, you see it in the change of his/her behavior. WRONG. You will only obtain about an accuracy rate of 54 percent. Experts say that it's possible to tell if a person is lying based on his/her behavior but scientific researchers said that nonverbal behavior isn't a good source at all. All those ideas I've said in the first paragraph of my blog are false. In a study in the journal Psychological Science, it shows that we are more able to detect lies when we're unconsciously doing so. There are clues and strategies on how you can detect lies. It is called the "unanticipated question approach." You use this method when you think someone is trying to cover up or hiding something from you. It is a method wherein the liar will take time to plan their stories. 

"The classic idea that people, in general, believe -- and that ... many of these so-called experts propagate -- is that liars give themselves away by gaze aversion, not looking you in the eyes; that they fidget, they change their posture, they pick on their clothes," Hartwig says. 

That's what I thought at first. But after reading the article, I learned that not because they act like that means they're already lying. But for some people, every time their behavior changes, they really are lying. Complicated, I know. It depends on the person, really. 

Another similar topic is about how to determine if a person is lying to through text or online. In this article by Elizabeth Bernstein, titled, "How To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You In An Email." Now, how do you tell if a person is lying to you online? Text? Or maybe an email? We are left with fewer clues because it doesn't involve body language, gestures, facial expressions and tone of the voice. Question is, how do we detect if a person is lying?  To begin with, pay attention to what the person is saying. When a person repeats the same thing over and over again in different ways, now that's when they're lying. Another technique you should watch out for is when you asked a question and he/she didn't answer. Pay attention to vague answers. That's it. 

Noncommittal statements are red flags—"pretty sure," "probably," "must have" and, my least favorite, "maybe." "These words leave the person an out," Ms. Cohen Wood says.

YUP, EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE NONCOMMITTAL STATEMENT - "MAYBE." We love saying "maybe" only because we don't want to reject or hurt other people's feelings. One good example everybody is guilty of is when a person asks us out and we don't really like to hang out with that person that much, instead of saying "no", we say "maybe."

Blogpost 2: Truth Be Told

Like what I've said in my previous blog, we lie everyday because it has become an "everyday phenomenon" already. But anyway, do white lies help in a relationship? If you ask me, I think it does.. (Sometimes!) Truth be told, we lie to our friends, partners and parents just because we want to maintain a good relationship with them. We think that it's the only way to protect their feelings. 

In this article by Elizabeth Palermo, titled, "Truth Be Told, White Lies Can Keep Relationships Strong", I found out that white lies are really helpful in maintaining good relationships with others. We think that lying to our friends and family may seem like a quick way to destroy their trust. Wrong! Not all the time. But if we lie for the reason, it makes our relationship with them stronger. Oh and fyi, people tell white lies online too! How? By simply liking a friend's facebook status! 

"I think that in many cases you can consider the like a white lie [if it's done] for reasons that having nothing to do with support," Rosen said.

And I absolutely agree with what she said. Liking a facebook status that you don't actually like is already a form of dishonesty. Like for example, your friend asks you "Is my outfit today nice?" Instead of saying something that isn't very nice, you just like the status instead. We are afraid that we might comment something rude that will hurt his/her feelings.

Another article that is contradicting to the article I've read earlier says that The author of this article is Michael Schwable, titled, "Why White Lies Are More Dangerous Than You Think." For most people, the temptation to twist the truth is easy. The dangerous thing in white lies is that when we get caught, the person's trust whom we lied to will lessen. It will make it hard for him/her to trust us again. Most importantly, while trust and credibility are easy to lose, they are difficult to earn back.

Researchers found out that white lies do have consequences and that the danger of telling them is they lead us toward being more dishonest. According to Feldman, "If you find out your boss has lied to you, it makes you feel OK to tell lies to your boss.

I'm somewhere between agree and disagree. It actually depends on your conscience if you're going to lie to your boss too though.