The Art Of Lying
A Research Paper Presented to
The English Resource Center
School of Multimedia Arts
Asia Pacific College,
Magallanes, Makati City
In Partial Fulfillment
of the Requirements for the Course
English Research and Writing
Jerylle Anne G. Realino
April 2015
________________________________
Chapter 1
INTRODUCTION
A. Background of the Study
People lie every single day. All we know is that lying ruins relationships. Truth and deception is like good and
evil. It has been viewed as diametrically opposed and irreconcilable. Yet,
few people say they never lie. In fact, deception is practiced
habitually in day-to-day life. Example is when we compliment a person even though we don't really mean what we say. A person lies most of his or her time in ordinary everyday life. Lying has become an everyday phenomenon to us because we lie whether we we are aware that we're doing it or whether we don't.
A kind of lie that is called "white lies" can help in so many ways most especially in relationships. Lying to friends and family members may seem like a quick way to lose their trust, but new research suggests this may not always be the case. In an the article "Truth Be Told, White Lies Can Keep Relationships Strong" written by Elizabeth Palermo, she said that some people may call this lie as "pro-social lying" but it's more commonly known as white lies.
In that article, Palermo included that according to an evolutionary psychologist at Oxford University in the United Kingdom, Robin Dunbar, "In this type of deception, known as antisocial lying, is destructive and weakens the bonds between two people. On the other hand, lies told to help another person or to protect someone's feelings tend to be good for relationships. (http://www.livescience.com/46992-how-lying-affects-social-networks.html)
We lie to get along with people. Those lies we tell others often are about how we are feeling, how we discern another, or what we've been doing. We may lie consciously or unconsciously. Usually our little lies are a result of feeling of empathy for another person. Anyone who is mature enough understands that telling a partner or a friend the awful truth can be hurtful. To avoid hurting them, we lie. Lies of this kind are things usually of low cost to us but may be of critical importance to our friends or our partner. Some lies are also told in silence too. Now, this is the "unspoken truth."
Lies in silence? Or should I say lies of omission. It occurs when an important truth or fact has not been said. From an article by Ashley Fern, she said that some lies of omissions are harmless, while other are necessary. Omission becomes a lie when you intentionally hide something from someone. Even if you know what you are omitting and is in fact relevant and you have a specific reason why you do it, well that is most definitely a lie. Any attempt at deception is the same as a lie. The end result is exactly the same in this scenario.
Fern said that, "A lie is not in the words or the lack of words, it’s in the intention of the deceiver; the intent is to elicit a specific response from the asker. Is an omission only a lie when there is an expectation of a truthful answer to a question, where the answer was deliberately used to obfuscate the truth? A deliberate omission can be considered a lie if the lack of information alters outcomes, be it discernment or decision. You do not owe everyone your innermost life story, but if you are withholding relevant information in order to sway a person’s judgment in some way, then it appears you are in fact lying to him or her." (http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/when-does-the-omission-of-truth-become-a-lie/)
Omission becomes a lie when you're intentionally hiding something from someone. I mean, it would be difficult and time consuming to tell everything to everyone. But if you know its relevant, and you have a specific motive then that's still lying. Most people think that lying is just something you shouldn't do because it's a wrong doing.
However, lying may actually be necessary in civil society. It has its place in our society. There are certain situations in which it can actually be better to lie than to tell the truth. Lying is more convenient than dealing with the truth in situations that just need a quick exit. Sometimes you don’t have to lie to protect your own feelings, but the feelings of others. Again, lying is never the best option, but in some situations brutal honesty is unnecessary and doesn’t really solve anything.
There is a need to conduct this study for people to see the positive side of lying and not only the negative side of it because most people think that lying is something you shouldn't do.
The purpose of this paper is to show why lying could be necessary for society.
B. Statement of the Problem
This study aims to answer the question:
1. Why people lie?
2. What are the benefits of lying?
C. Significance of the Study
1. Friends - this research aims to benefit some friendships that had been broken because of lies. Sometimes, a friend lies for other reasons. One of these reasons might be to protect your feelings but other reasons may be because they're just being fake to you
2. Couples - this research paper would benefit couples for them to find out whether their partner has been lying or cheating on them
3. Family - this research would benefit families for them to know when to tell a lie and when not to tell a lie
D. Scope and Delimitation
This study was made to see the positive and negative side of lying and not only the negative side of it because most people think that lying is something you shouldn't do. Therefore, this study would be most important to a lot of people.
Due to time constraints, this study will no longer discuss other forms of lying.
Informations relevant to the study were gathered from various online references that focuses on the positive and negative sides of lying. Also, the researcher used these sources to gather facts about why lying could be a benefit to people you lie to.
F. Definitions of Terms
Deception - the act of making someone believe something that is not true
Deceive - to mislead by deliberate misrepresentation or lies
Deceiver - a person who leads you to believe something that is not true
Omission - the action of excluding or leaving out someone or something
CHAPTER 2
DISCUSSION
What are the factors that could influence people to lie?
I. Definition and Types of Deception
Deception is defined as an untrue falsehood, or is the act of lying to or tricking someone. It is also an automatic response designed to protect the self from harm. It includes several types of communications or omissions that serve to omit the complete truth. Deception itself is intentionally managing verbal and/or nonverbal messages so that the message receiver will believe in a way that the message sender knows is false. Most of the time, deception occurs with little awareness or thought.
Children start lying at age 3 and people continue to lie throughout their lives. We repeat the same lies so often that we actually believe in what we are already saying. We are more honest at the same time more deceptive with the people who are close to us or should I say to the people we love the most.
In the article titled, "We're All Lying Liars: Why People Tell Lies, and Why White Lies Can Be OK", the author, Ulrich Boser says that what most people tell are white lies. He also said that we shouldn't feel bad about it because we're in a good, dishonest company. Telling these kinds of lies are necessary in everyday life.
"Anything that is not accurate is a lie. You can argue that a lie done to make someone else feel better is relatively minor. But they have an effect. The bottom line is that a lie is a lie," says Feldman. (http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2009/05/18/were-all-lying-liars-why-people-tell-lies-and-why-white-lies-can-be-ok)
White lies aren't the only lies that people tell everyday. Two other lies are the lies of omission and the other one is false advertising (yes, it is a kind of deception too). Lies of omission happens when an important fact is left out in order to stimulate a misconception. These are those lies that are told in silence. Now, false advertising occurs in companies and most especially in TV ads. It is a kind of advertising or promotion that misrepresents true characteristics of what is being promoted.
II. Factors influencing people to lie
Researchers have been studying deception for decades, trying to figure out why we tell lies. Now, what motivates people to lie? It turns out that we make up stories or tell lies for all sorts of reasons. For example, we might want to gain a raise or a reward, or maybe to protect friends or a lover.
A. Personal Protection
Bodily harm is not the only time we need protection. Of course, we also need to protect ourselves, our feelings, emotions, personal life and privacy. For example, you just broke up with a lover and you're still on the process of moving on then someone asks how things are going between you and your ex lover, you couldn't answer anything because you're still hurting. So instead of answering, you just remain quiet.
In the article "3 Situations When It's Okay to Lie and Not Feel Guilty", by Mackenzie Wright, she said that in smaller situations, when there is no harm, a lie is not terrible. Anyway, I do not believe in fixed rules, I believe in guidelines that are there to serve as warning points and reminders. But I leave it up to human judgement to make the best call as circumstances arise.
"It’s okay to sidestep prying questions with a virtual stranger by saying, “No, I’m fine. Really, I’m just tired,” even if inside you feel like your life is a shambles. It’s okay not to tell your work acquaintances what your religion is if you’re afraid it will get back to your bigoted boss through random office gossip", says Mackenzie Wright (http://www.psychicsuniverse.com/articles/home-family/family/3-situations-when-its-okay-lie-and-not)
There are times when we don't want to talk about or reveal things things to other people. It’s always best to simply avoid the topic but sometimes you can get stuck in a situation in which a person puts you in an uncomfortable spot. If avoidance doesn’t work, a simple lie might be the best way out of the situation. And yes, it's true that anytime lying prevents harm. If for example a terrorist asks me if I'm American, I'm just gonna start blabbering in Spanish and walk away.
B. Protecting The Feelings Of Others
We lie not only to protect our own feelings but to protect the feelings of others too. For example, your friend asks you if you like her new boyfriend, there’s no harm in saying yes. You don’t have to be so honest as to your three year old, “Sweetie, I know you miss your daddy and wish he were at your birthday, but he wanted to spend the weekend in Vegas with his new girlfriend instead.” Another example is when a kid's mother was brutally murdered and tortured, seriously, you could just lie to the kid and say she was hit by a car. The young brain has yet to develop the ability to digest horrors that in some cases, it's just better to gloss things over. You can tell the kid later, when he/she grows up.
In an article by Kathleen Kelleher, titled "The Truth About Lying: Why We Do It and When It Might Be OK", it was stated that people tell these serious lies to protect something when the truth could threaten something they really value. Now, these lies are told out of loyalty. The purpose of lies that are told out of loyalty are to protect or secure a relationship. Also, it creates a special bond between two people when someone tells a lie to protect another.
"The motivation to tell these lies is to spare a person's feelings," says De Paulo. "Other reasons are to make the relationship better", says Depaulo. (http://articles.latimes.com/1998/mar/10/news/ls-27272)
We value a someone so much that we cover up a lie for them just because we love and care for them. Everyone is capable of living a lie. Most lying out of lying falls under the broad category of "altruistic lies". And what De Paulo said was true. The only motivation why we cover up a lie of someone who's very special to us is to spare that person's feelings. Another reason is because we just want to make our relationship with that person better.
C. To Create A Sense Of Identity
These are lies to have people see you in a certain way. We lie to others because we want to fit in. For example, you have rich ass friends who own a lot of expensive/branded bags. Then later on, you brag about your new Louis Vuitton bag which you will tell others that you bought it for one hundred thousand pesos but the truth is you bought it for only one hundred pesos. See what I mean? Another example is when you tell your parents that you do great in school that you always get a grade of A+. But truth is you always get a failing grade. You lie to them just because you want them to be proud of you and that you want them to praise you.
"If they perceive you in certain way, then they will treat you in a certain way, and you feel more comfortable in that particular role or identity. This can be pathological and manipulative, but it can also be relatively healthy. Professional people need to behave in a certain way so that people seeking their services will feel that they will be cared for", Ford said. (http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/07/13_reasons_why_we_tell_lies_fr.html)
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person. Those with high self-esteem believe that they are adequate, strong and worthy of a good life, while those with low self-esteem feel inadequate and worthless. Low self-esteem can develop in childhood and continue throughout adulthood, causing great emotional pain. Therefore, it’s important to develop a healthy, positive sense of self. So be friends with those people who accept you for who you really are so you won't have to lie about yourself and so that they won't have to judge you.
We lie not only to protect our own feelings but to protect the feelings of others too. For example, your friend asks you if you like her new boyfriend, there’s no harm in saying yes. You don’t have to be so honest as to your three year old, “Sweetie, I know you miss your daddy and wish he were at your birthday, but he wanted to spend the weekend in Vegas with his new girlfriend instead.” Another example is when a kid's mother was brutally murdered and tortured, seriously, you could just lie to the kid and say she was hit by a car. The young brain has yet to develop the ability to digest horrors that in some cases, it's just better to gloss things over. You can tell the kid later, when he/she grows up.
In an article by Kathleen Kelleher, titled "The Truth About Lying: Why We Do It and When It Might Be OK", it was stated that people tell these serious lies to protect something when the truth could threaten something they really value. Now, these lies are told out of loyalty. The purpose of lies that are told out of loyalty are to protect or secure a relationship. Also, it creates a special bond between two people when someone tells a lie to protect another.
"The motivation to tell these lies is to spare a person's feelings," says De Paulo. "Other reasons are to make the relationship better", says Depaulo. (http://articles.latimes.com/1998/mar/10/news/ls-27272)
We value a someone so much that we cover up a lie for them just because we love and care for them. Everyone is capable of living a lie. Most lying out of lying falls under the broad category of "altruistic lies". And what De Paulo said was true. The only motivation why we cover up a lie of someone who's very special to us is to spare that person's feelings. Another reason is because we just want to make our relationship with that person better.
C. To Create A Sense Of Identity
These are lies to have people see you in a certain way. We lie to others because we want to fit in. For example, you have rich ass friends who own a lot of expensive/branded bags. Then later on, you brag about your new Louis Vuitton bag which you will tell others that you bought it for one hundred thousand pesos but the truth is you bought it for only one hundred pesos. See what I mean? Another example is when you tell your parents that you do great in school that you always get a grade of A+. But truth is you always get a failing grade. You lie to them just because you want them to be proud of you and that you want them to praise you.
In the article written by Jesse Chambers, titled "Reasons Why We All Tell Lies", he said that people with low self-esteem often experience a sense of failure and inferiority because their abilities and accomplishments fall short of their personal expectations for themselves.
"If they perceive you in certain way, then they will treat you in a certain way, and you feel more comfortable in that particular role or identity. This can be pathological and manipulative, but it can also be relatively healthy. Professional people need to behave in a certain way so that people seeking their services will feel that they will be cared for", Ford said. (http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/07/13_reasons_why_we_tell_lies_fr.html)
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person. Those with high self-esteem believe that they are adequate, strong and worthy of a good life, while those with low self-esteem feel inadequate and worthless. Low self-esteem can develop in childhood and continue throughout adulthood, causing great emotional pain. Therefore, it’s important to develop a healthy, positive sense of self. So be friends with those people who accept you for who you really are so you won't have to lie about yourself and so that they won't have to judge you.
III. Conclusion
Based on the research gathered, lying is not wrong all time because that's what most people think. The purpose of lying is not for bad intentions only. Deception happens because of our good intentions also. Nobody should aspire to living a lie, but a life without some self-deception would be hard to navigate. We fool ourselves into doing a lot of difficult and painful and expensive but good and worthy things. Lying can be achieved in two ways and these are directly and indirectly. Directly, by saying things which are not true. Indirectly, by leaving out important informations.
I therefore conclude that lying is what keeps the world at its peace, hides others from their enemies and problems. Protects someone who doesn't understand the situation. Well, what do you know, what could you know about the amount of self-preserving cunning, or reason and higher protection that is contained in such self-deception—and how much falseness I still require so that I may keep permitting myself the luxury of my truthfulness?
1. People should know when and when not to lie.
2. Lying is okay as long as you're doing it for good intentions because we can't be brutally honest all the time.
Based on the research gathered, lying is not wrong all time because that's what most people think. The purpose of lying is not for bad intentions only. Deception happens because of our good intentions also. Nobody should aspire to living a lie, but a life without some self-deception would be hard to navigate. We fool ourselves into doing a lot of difficult and painful and expensive but good and worthy things. Lying can be achieved in two ways and these are directly and indirectly. Directly, by saying things which are not true. Indirectly, by leaving out important informations.
I therefore conclude that lying is what keeps the world at its peace, hides others from their enemies and problems. Protects someone who doesn't understand the situation. Well, what do you know, what could you know about the amount of self-preserving cunning, or reason and higher protection that is contained in such self-deception—and how much falseness I still require so that I may keep permitting myself the luxury of my truthfulness?
CHAPTER 3
SUMMARY, CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATION
SUMMARY
This paper attempted to determine the factors that could influence people to lie. This study will also conclude some types of deception. The research design that was used in this study is the descriptive research method wherein all data from documents and articles found online and was used to answer the questions that posted.The research finding were the following:
CONCLUSIONS
Based on the findings of the study, the following conclusions are drawn:
1. Lying is really not a great habit to get into. Let’s face it, it causes problems. It damages our self-esteem and integrity. It hurts other people. It breaks down bonds and disintegrates trust. What everybody knows is that lying ruins relationships. But that not may always be the case.
2. People say they never lie. In fact, deception is practiced habitually in day-to-day life. They lie whether they're conscious about it or not. Unlike most people, I just admit to this fact and accept this reality.
3. There are certain situations wherein it's better to tell a lie rather than to tell the ugly truth.
4. Lying is necessary to the good function of the society. You don't want to hear the truth all the time. The truth sucks. You want to be lied to, and you don't want the painful burden of telling the truth all the time.
RECOMMENDATIONS
This paper attempted to determine the factors that could influence people to lie. This study will also conclude some types of deception. The research design that was used in this study is the descriptive research method wherein all data from documents and articles found online and was used to answer the questions that posted.The research finding were the following:
1. Inevitably, deception is necessary.
2. Deception involves acting in such a way which leads another person to believe something, that you, yourself, do not believe to be true.
3. We lie to protect our feelings and other people's feelings.
4. The factors that influence people to lie are for personal protection, other people's protections and to create a sense of identity.
5. Lying has become a habit for us because it has become an everyday phenomenon.
CONCLUSIONS
Based on the findings of the study, the following conclusions are drawn:
1. Lying is really not a great habit to get into. Let’s face it, it causes problems. It damages our self-esteem and integrity. It hurts other people. It breaks down bonds and disintegrates trust. What everybody knows is that lying ruins relationships. But that not may always be the case.
2. People say they never lie. In fact, deception is practiced habitually in day-to-day life. They lie whether they're conscious about it or not. Unlike most people, I just admit to this fact and accept this reality.
3. There are certain situations wherein it's better to tell a lie rather than to tell the ugly truth.
4. Lying is necessary to the good function of the society. You don't want to hear the truth all the time. The truth sucks. You want to be lied to, and you don't want the painful burden of telling the truth all the time.
RECOMMENDATIONS
After drawing the conclusions of the study, the researchers hereby make the following suggestions/recommendations:
1. People should know when and when not to lie.
2. Lying is okay as long as you're doing it for good intentions because we can't be brutally honest all the time.
References
A. Electronic Media
Palermo, E. (2014, July 24) Truth Be Told, White Lies Can Keep Relationships Strong from http://www.livescience.com/46992-how-lying-affects-social-networks.html
Fern, A. (2013, Aug. 26) When Does The Omission Of Truth Become A Lie? from http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/when-does-the-omission-of-truth-become-a-lie/
Boser, U. (2009, May 18) We're All Lying Liars: Why People Tell Lies, and Why White Lies Can Be from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2009/05/18/were-all-lying-liars-why-people-tell-lies-and-why-white-lies-can-be-ok
Kelleher, K. (1998, March 10) The Truth About Lying: Why We Do It and When It Might Be OK from http://articles.latimes.com/1998/mar/10/news/ls-27272
Chambers, J. (2014. July 10) Reasons Why We All Tell Lies from http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/07/13_reasons_why_we_tell_lies_fr.html
Chambers, J. (2014. July 10) Reasons Why We All Tell Lies from http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/07/13_reasons_why_we_tell_lies_fr.html
